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Saturday 19th June 2004
Bina comes into my bedroom without
knocking and stands at the foot of the bed.
“Mama.”
It can only be about money or
similar. My clock says 10:31. It is Saturday morning.
“Yes.”
“You said you would put the Internet
on the other computer. For me to work.”
So I did. Last night. I forgot.
“OK.”
She leaves. I drag myself out of
bed. This is a good reason to get up. It is one of Life’s Important Reasons. My
daughter needs to write an essay for school, she has to research in the Internet.
It is a reason to live.
My pyjamas smell of sweat, I hate it
because I never sweat. But six weeks ago I had a hormone coil inserted,
something to stop the awful bleeding. The doctor suggested this alternative
method to having a hysterectomy. And since then I sweat every night, towels
full, and everything is drenched and I hate it. I hate waking up in the morning and
smelling it. I wish all of this, all this sadness and all this pain would go away. It is a reason not to get up in
the morning.
