Duties And Lessons

An extract from my diary of 1972, when I was 13. All names have been changed.

I had to read the lesson in church this morning. I have to tell you it was not a success.

I wish I didn’t have to read the lesson. Mum asked Father Clement if I could read every few weeks and Father Clement said yes, but otherwise only a couple of men used to read it, and I am the only young person and also female to be doing it. And I have to read it about every three weeks. It is awful, I hate being up there and in front of the whole church, I feel that they are all thinking that I want to be the centre of attention or something. And I don’t! It’s like getting up on the stage every time, and if I don’t rehearse, my performance is very bad. But I can’t let Mum down. I think she’s so proud of me.

Dad doesn’t come to church, he’s a Protestant, and he actually doesn’t go to church at all, except on Christmas Day, but because we’re Catholics we have to go all the time. I mean, every Sunday and Feast Days. Mum always takes the children and me, although sometimes the children can get away with not going if they’re sick.

At least it’s not in Latin any more.

Anyway, why Mum wants me to read the lesson is a long story. The thing is, when we moved to London, I started to talk with a London accent. That really annoyed Mum. It’s difficult, because everybody I know talks with a London accent, that’s because we’re living in London. But Mum says you won’t get anywhere in life talking like that and you should speak with an “accentless accent”. Although frankly, everybody always thinks Mum talks with an Irish accent and is always asking where she comes from in Ireland. Mum has never been to Ireland in her life, so this is a kind of joke. She says it is because she grew up with Irish nuns.

Mum’s parents moved around a lot (Poppa, that’s my grandfather, was in the army) and so she was sent to boarding school when she was 4 years old. It was a Catholic school run by Irish nuns, so Mum is very religious.

Ever since I can remember Mum has been getting really upset about the way I speak and she kept threatening me that if I didn’t start talking properly I would have to get elocution lessons. I can tell you I was really scared about these elocution lessons for a long time but then one day she really lost her temper and said, that’s it, I was going to get elocution lessons when I went to Prendergast School, when I was 11. And at Prendergast you can actually get elocution lessons. You can miss a Prep lesson and do a private lesson during that time. They cost five pounds a term. I know that my parents have no money so I really appreciate that they pay five pounds a term to get me to talk properly.

Anyway, I had them with Mrs Cakebread once a week. She was a special Speech Training teacher. We practiced vowel sounds and enunciating properly. I learned how to throw my voice and stuff like that. And how to breathe. And then also things you wouldn’t think about, like finishing a word with a t and starting the next one with a d and doing that properly. And things that were really driving Mum crazy, like I used to say, “I sawritt” when I should have been saying “I saw it”, well that’s the kind of things we worked on.

So then Mrs Cakebread said we should be achieving something and that meant, guess what, that I had to get certificates and do Grade exams and stuff like that. So I expect you have some pieces of paper to prove that the money is being well spent! So the first kind of exam I had to do was at Lewisham Town Hall, for which I got a certificate.

Mum came with me, and I had to read a passage from the Bible. It was from St. Luke, Chapter 13, Verses 35 to 43. It’s about Jesus going down to Jericho and seeing a blind man and he cures him. I tell you I had to practice for weeks reading that passage. I must have read it 250 times. I know it off by heart. But I don’t think I ever got it right. Mrs Cakebread was not really ever happy.

When we got to Lewisham Town Hall, there were loads of girls there and there were about five judges and we all had to get up on the stage individually and read the same passage. Some of the girls were really dramatic – “Jesus! Son of David! Have mercy on me!” Mum and I had to try really hard not to laugh and some of them were really embarrassing! But they were the ones that got the top marks!

Anyway, I got my certificate at least. I did pass! And it wasn’t too bad. But then after that Mum said I should practice more public speaking and she asked Father Clement if I could read the lesson. She told him I was getting elocution lessons and that I had a certificate from the Lewisham Festival for Bible reading. And there it is. Father Clement didn’t have much choice in the matter, I think.

I can’t always practice reading the lesson. Also, sometimes I have to read more than once every three weeks. Sometimes I have to read twice a month. And I do try to find the time to practice, but there’s not always time, what with looking after the children and doing homework, etc. And I can’t just be reading it aloud to myself, so I ask Mum, but she doesn’t always have the time either. I usually do the washing-up after dinner, Dad gives me 3p for that! It used to be only threepence in old money before decimal currency (last year in February) so it is actually a large profit. But it does take time. And then I have to make up a Rabbit story for Lucy when I put her to bed.

So anyway, today was not a success. I had not practiced and I stumbled and stuttered and it was frankly awful.

But what I wanted to say actually was about the Speech Lessons. Everything has in fact changed this last year. Mrs Cakebread left Prendergast and we got Mr Joseph. Mr Joseph comes from Rose Bruford College, it is kind of an art and theatre college or something. He is really modern. He only seems to have one suit, mustard-coloured. He wears that suit every day! He has kind of golliwog hair and large glasses. And anyway, another girl in my class, Lorraine, who really has quite a South-East London accent, well she also has private lessons like me. And Mr Joseph told us that he would prefer to do drama with us rather than private speech lessons. He spoke to our parents and explained that if he put Lorraine and me into the same class, each of our parents could save two pounds fifty a term and we could have drama lessons together. I guess Mr Joseph is not much of a businessman, more of an artist.

So our parents readily agreed and now Lorraine and I do Drama classes together. The first thing Mr Joseph wanted to do was put us in for Grades. So I guess he is as ambitious as Mrs Cakebread in that respect. He said we should go straight in for RADA Grade II. And guess what! Guess what he chose! A scene from Pygmalion. I was Henry Higgins and Lorraine was Liza Doolittle! This meant that Lorraine had to speak with a Cockney accent (which was no problem for her, as it was for me) so where is the sense of all the Speech lessons her parents paid for in the first year!

Anyway Mr Joseph said it was very important to be able to speak in different accents. This is kind of a different approach to the one our parents had I expect when they put me and Lorraine in for Speech Lessons. Mr Joseph said that Julie Andrews was turned down for the part of Liza Doolittle in My Fair Lady because she couldn’t do a Cockney accent, so I expect he had a point and he should know as he comes from Rose Bruford. Anyway, we had to go down to Lewisham Town Hall again, and we got a really good grade! Lorraine was brilliant. I’m not sure I was such a good Henry Higgins. But at least Mum was happy that I got an acting certificate, plus, I was talking in a posh accent, as Henry Higgins. I’m not so sure that Lorraine’s parents were so satisfied.